I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
