I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
