Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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