New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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