I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
