yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize