you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
