Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
