shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize