Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
