the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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