she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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