tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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