I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
