my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
