the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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