3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
