I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize