So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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