watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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