Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
