I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This baby is an asshole
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
