Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
