Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
