I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
