I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
