I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize