I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
