ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
