for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
