A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He? As in you personified your dick?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
