just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
