I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
