You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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