Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.

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(330): View more from Ohio

It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth

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(850): View more from Florida

It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Bang-toberfest begins!!

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(915): View more from Texas

No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.

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