If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well you can't waste a boner
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
