all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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