I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
