what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
