eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize