Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
