if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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