"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize