i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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