is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
