my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
