just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
