U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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