Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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