her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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