i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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