Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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