Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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