once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
