the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
