im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
