I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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