If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
