All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
