If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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