Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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