What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
