Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
