I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
