before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
