It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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