im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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