did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
