She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
