Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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