Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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