he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
