gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
