she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
